Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Ant and Grasshopper - Indian Version of story - too good and fact



Original Story:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool
and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and
well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the
cold.

Indian Version:


The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool
and laughs dances plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper
next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with
food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor
Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that
Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

Mayawati states this as'injustice'done on Minorities.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for
not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the
Grasshopper (many promising Heaven&Everlasting Peace for prompt support
as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for'Bengal Bandh'in
West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in
the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway
Trains, aptly named as the'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the'Prevention of Terrorism Against
Grasshoppers Act'[POTAGA] , with effect from the beginning of the winter..

Arjun Singh makes'Special Reservation'for Grasshoppers in Educational
Institutions in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left
to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government
and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.

Arundhati Roy calls it'A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it'Socialistic Justice'.

CPM calls it the'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar
company in Silicon Valley ,

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere
in India ,

....AND

As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the
grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Sprite - Clear Hai!


Funky: Hey Rahul !! Kya yahan baitha mail forward karta rahta hai yaar!! Naye packages ekh.... Naye language seekh. Night out Maar.... Fundoo programming kar life me.... Do something cool man !!

Rahul : Achha ! To usse Kya hoga ...

Funky : Impression !!! Appraisal !!! Har appraisal main tu No 1! Hike in salary !! Extra Stocks !!

Rahul : Phir kya hoga...

Funky: Project Leader ban jaayega.. Phir Project Manager !!! Phir Business Manager ! One day U will be a Director of the Company man!!

Rahul : Acchha to phir kya hoga..

Funky: Abe phir tu aish karega ! Koi kaam nahin karna padega! Araam se office aayega aur MAIL check karega.

Rahul : To ab main kya kar raha hoon ????

Dikhawe pe na jao, apni akal lagao.

Programming hai waste, trust only copy-paste.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Girls Vs. Boys

BRILLIANT WAYS GIRLS TURN GUYS DOWN!!!



HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like
yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.



Loads of Love,
Ravi

Identification






There were two sardars, Zail singh & Jarnail singh. Both of them bought a horse each.

"How will we know which is your & which is mine?" asked Zail.

"Easy" replied Jarnail. "I'll cut mine's tail, yours will be the one with tail"

This was heard by a few boys ,they cut the other's tail too.

Next morning the confusion continued. "Don't worry "retorted Jarnail.
"I'll tie a bell around its neck, yours will be the one without the bell."

The boys heard this also & cut the bell.

The next day, Zail got frustrated & said

"Okay now the last criterion, white will be yours & black will be mine."


Loads of Love, Ravi

Marketing





A Professor at IIM A was explaining marketing concepts :


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.



You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich.Marry him."
That's Advertising.



You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.



You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her aride,
and then say,"By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.



You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich.."
That's Brand Recognition.



You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!



You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
And she introduces you to her husband
That's Demand and supply gap.



You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" she turns her face towards you ------------
she is your wife !
That's competition eating into your market share.





The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way



Loads of Love, Ravi

10 most stupid questions





10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:-


1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends

Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:-Well, it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theater.




2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet

Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... why don't you try again or should i try this time.




3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask

Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people?

Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?




4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good?

Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.



5. At a family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after years

Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big?

Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.



6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask

Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:-No, he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout... it's just the money.




7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call

Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?




8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair

Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......



9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth

Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.




10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks

Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke?

Answer:-No, it's a miracle ........... it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!






Loads Of Love,
Ravi

Monday, June 22, 2009

Some Jokes





Sardar ji-Bus stand jane k kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Sardarji: 2Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega?
Sardar ji: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.




Sardar ji kissed his girl friend in the park.
Girl: Plz ye sab shadi se pehle nahi...
Sardar ji: Don't worry darling, I'm already married.





Sardar ji: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar Lena .
Wife: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Sardar ji: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi ek rasta hai!




Sardar ji & his friend are walking down the road when Sardar ji' friend says: Look at that dog with one eye!
Sardar ji covers one of his eyes and says: Where?




Sardar ji: What is the similarity between Bill Gates and Me?
Friend: Don't know.
Sardar ji: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go to his!





Sardar ji was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'
He wrote: I was made by a mistake.





Q: What do you call a man who can't hear anything?
Sardar ji: Anything you want because he can't hear na!!!





Sardar ji was busy in removing a wheel from auto.
His friend asks: Why r u removin a wheel from ur auto?
Sardar ji: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'





See what a spelling mistake can do...
Sardar ji went to Goa . Sent SMS to his wife: Having a wonderful time, wish u were Her





A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... "Aam hai kya?" The shopkeeper says ... "Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechte." Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ..."Aam hai kya ?" He gets a little irritated and says... "Aare Bola na, Hum Aam nahi Bechte" On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him "Aam hai kya ?" He gets wild and yells ..."Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to hathoda marunga sar ke upar" The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him .. "hathoda hai kya ?" The shopkeeper says ... "Nahi" The parrot then asks ... "Aam hai kya ?"









LOL! :)


Loads of Love,
Ravi

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Engineers Better than Doctors

There 7 Engineers and 7 Doctors going from PUNE to Mumbai.
So they both gather at STATION. Both group trying to prove their superiority.

scene 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) So 7 engineers take only 1 Tickets amongst them and
7 doctors take all 7 tickects.. Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC about to comes , All 7 Engineers get in one toilet SO when TC knocks ,
one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes away....
----------------------------
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE so

they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE so SCENE 2
(MUMBAI - LONAVALA) Doctors decide, "this time we will prove that we too are genius"....
All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket amongst them Engineers dont take any ticket.. TC About to Comes..
ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET. ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE.. One engineer gets out and knocks the door
of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engees Bathroom...
TC DRIVES ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are

heavily fined........
-----------------------------------------
SO now both the group on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance..
they board the local to Pune. This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick..
ALL Doctors take
1 tickets... Engineers take all 7 tickets this time... SO TC Comes..
All Engineers shows their tickets Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL...........